Nobody loves a party more than I but I’ve seen more people in a Vegas dance club.
Here is an overhead shot of the MASSIVE Tea Party rally held in Boston. Likely smaller than the original Tea Party. Think people are finally realizing how wacky these nuts are and don’t want to associated with these ‘morans’. Palin being “moran in chief”.
I had always been a fan of Tiger but it has become clear that the Tiger we knew is just a mirage in the desert. He’s just not worthy of our admiration, only some polite golf claps.
From his creepy news conference to the ultra-creepy ad using his father to revive his pocketbook, Tiger has been pushing my buttons from the night he was found snoring in the street. Now we are told we cannot criticize him, even though not a shred of truth has emerged here – except that of his many mistresses, including now a neighbor of his in FLA.
Or how about the $10 million he allegedly paid to Uchitel? Where is the integrity in that? And why her and only her?
You see, despite all the effort, nothing but questions remain and until he comes out of the bubble, he’ll be hounded by the snickers and giggles, the jokes and the punchline that he has become. If you sponsor Tiger, well, you get the scandal too, hope you got a discount.
In the end, does anybody like what they’ve heard enough to continue to heap praise on this guy, who turns out, will do anything to save his image, like a politician caught with a six-year old boy? Will winning a frickin’ golf tournament really absolve him? Not in my eyes.
So go ahead, win the Masters, just know that a bunch of people who used to root for you are now hoping you pull a Vandevelt on the whole thing.
At times maddening and heartbreaking yet mostly stark and real – this video shows the killing of two Reuters journalists…and more. Riveting to the last second and still begs the question, “is there anybody left who think this war, and all its collateral, was worth it?”
Today comes sad news…Snooki, ‘Jersey Shore’ punching bag, is actually not Italian, she is Chilean. My first plea would be to assure you she does not represent the marvelous girls of that nation. No.
I rarely miss a flight but when I do, is it usually leaving Las Vegas – as tortuous as the hilarious movie of the same name depicts.
Yet I’m glad I missed this particular flight that came, as usual, after a night of overdoing it in some club on the Strip until some ungodly hour. I do remember that the one guy with me, ended up passing out in the parking lot…damn you, Patrone Silver.
For after a mad, nauseous dash to the airport the next morning, I was told I was too late by some snarky airline lady and that I had missed my flight. The next flight was in “six hours,” she delighted.
Fortunately, there was another flight leaving in a couple hours on another airline. “Last seat on the plane,” I was told by another snarkster.
When it did finally board, I was literally the last one to get my body on the plane – too nauseous and dizzy to be first into the tube.
I looked down to my right, towards the back…every single seat was filled. I look up to my left and there it was, my seat, the only one unfilled anywhere. First row behind First Class and the one next to the smelly, rarely-scrubbed lavatory/pod.
I plopped down in my aisle seat and muttered, “Nice, they put me next to the shitter” while plugging my nose and regretting the BK burger and O’rings I just scarfed in the terminal.
I was close to launching it but heard two giggles.
The laughs were courtesy of two of the most beautiful twins, Chilean twins, one could lay eyes on. They had hair and tans and legs and tits and personality to add. They were party girls, latin as they come. They were a dream in polyester seating, the human version of a strawberry daiquiri.
Turned out to be the greatest flight of my life as we ordered booze and joked and chatted and laughed our asses off – they were a travelling fiesta in their own right and I took full advantage for what seemed like the shortest trip in time…ever. Stinky bathroom? Where?
When the plane landed and we got off, the two girls walked all the way through the terminal and to baggage claim with me, one on each arm as they ‘bounced’ and laughed and turned EVERY head in the G wing. I felt like a latin Hugh Hefner. No, I was the latin Hugh to everyone who literally stopped to watch us (them) walk by.
So don’t let the news of Snooki’s heritage get you down on the nation, they just had a terrible earthquake and could use our support. Besides, Chileans are better in pairs.
All kidding aside, please support the Chileans, they are wonderful people:
Text the word “CHILE” to 52000 to donate $10 on behalf of the Salvation Army
Text the word “CHILE” to 90999 to donate $10 on behalf of the American Red Cross.
The National Enquirer, the mag with a knack for catching a tiger by the tail, is reporting that Tiger has moved from the sex to the drug card. I think momma told him, go to rehab and he said…
Yes, Tiger Woods said a lot of things that needed to be said.
But that’s my issue, it was a laundry list created by people other than himself. It was clear they had sketched out exactly what he needed to say and how to say it and where and when and whom sat in the front row. Nothing real about it.
In fact, the length of it upset me - with hugs and kisses and all, it was almost exactly fifteen minutes. Who the fuck does he think he is? He’s a frickin golfer, he means NOTHING in the greater scheme but still thinks himself so high and mighty to warrant a fifteen minute mea culpa. Truth is, he could have been golfing the very next weekend, he committed no crime, violated no PGA rule. He made it all worse by not playing.
He waited toooo long to do it, means he never wanted to do it, felt he didn’t have to. Again, who was he apologizing to over and over again? I’ll tell you who: his sponsors. And all those promises? He didn’t need to promise anything to anyone but still, for some stupid-ass reason, he told us he was now going to live a life akin to a church minister. And not the ‘fondling’ kind…supposedly.
He should have come out early and gone to Oprah or Barbara Walters. By not allowing anyone to ask questions, he left all the questions unanswered. Don’t you see? He is still avoiding responsibility.
And therein lies the rub. Because he didn’t answer the questions it still lives and thus his attempts to end it failed. Without the give and take (where the interviewer acts as us all), the nagging stuff will continue to nag him from course to course. Hope he likes living under a giant microscope, where any Joe D’Bag can make a bundle by exposing a fuck up. Any fuck up.
From a PR/damage control perspective, it was a disaster. The objective was not met.
For instance, I used to like and cheer for him, now I think he’s a bozo who thinks the world revolves around him. Even now, I ask, why is he suddenly so interested in marriage? Seems this was a guy that ‘marriage’ wasn’t working for and now he wants to be hubby of the year? WTFx3? I cringe thinking of why she’s staying with him? $$$?
Remember folks, he didn’t just boink these hoes, he dated them for YEARS. All of them. Plus, add all the skanky, Jerry Springer ass he just one-nighted to the cocktail and hopefully you get the picture. Visual: Ewwww.
Fact is she should be running for the Swedish hills faster than tiger to a gazelle.
Oh man, you saw it, didn’t you? I think most people we know tuned in at some point, in some media to see Tiger’s return.
And what a return it was.
Scripted and filmed to an inch of its life, Tiger once again has proven while he is great at golf, he pretty much sucks ass at everything else – especially public apologies. A few notes:
- Three women in the front row was way toooo contrived. Two of them were his employees! LOL!
- Whoever coached him obviously has studied or worked for Obama.
- I kept thinking, “stop talking!” He said way too much, the speech itself was like a full 12 step program packed into 13 minutes. Like if he made sure he covered it all, we’d move on.
- Did anyone see his mother look at him?
- Who did the camera work? Tiger’s people? That would make it even worse.
- Hated the part where he talked about his charity work, that really bugged me. One has nothing to do with the other and keeps the vein going: Tiger still thinks he is above it all.
- His statement where he scolded everyone and demanded they leave him alone was way off as well. He needed to disembowel himself, not the media.
- How many lawyers and PR gurus do you think had a hand in that statement/script?
- Very much annoyed by the continual looks at the camera, at just the right pause and juncture. Again, that all seemed coached to me.
- Found myself giggling at several points and I only giggle when giggling overcomes me. It is too girlish for me to allow willing.
- I think the comments about “Buddhism” have an alternate purpose, like when Christians use God as their “out.”
- Who the fuck was he apologizing to? Me? I could care less about who the man pokes.
Nothing about the whole scene, the whole statement gave me any reason to believe him. Before he was just a great golfer who fucked around on his wife. Now, he’s an idiot too and I think that is the worst one for me, because I don’t care who he pokes, I’ m not married to him.
See, Tiger has now gone so far as to think I’m an idiot and a fool and I don’t appreciate that. Now, he’s insulted my intelligence. And all by STAGING this farce, this prepackaged, scripted and rehearsed event in which I am supposed to swoon and hum his tune again.
Won’t work, like all the others who have used the same PR firm, he should have just played the sex addiction card.
Because ultimately, he still came off as someone looking for an apology…for getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
I’m not following the logic.
Danica Patrick is not that hot or sexy – she’s a mildly attractive girl who drives a race car. And maybe that is what I’m missing. But still, at this point, the Bob and Danica relationship is about as fresh as a 1:00AM Skinamax movie.
For her continued usage and overusage and the GD car and the races, it all leads me to a singular conclusion: Bob Parson’s just loves hot girls and racing.
Why? Well, it’s either that or racing fans love to register domain names. I’m betting it is the former.
Regardless, it has grown tired and old and the most recent Super Bowl ads were no different. Is sex the only way to sell domain names? I mean, do horny fifteen year old boys really register that many domains?
Because in the end it is the only demographic they really hit with their “too hot for TV” nonsense that I’m sure spikes their server but does little to nothing for domains, the industry, the perceptions of us – now people think we love frickin’ Nascar, soft porn and dudish-looking race car drivers.
And of course, like bad literature, at the top sits a grubby old dude who has obviously forked over enough to make Danica do the commercials – but by the look on her face – she certainly doesn’t like doing them. Looks like someone is sticking chopsticks between her toes when she talks.
So please, Bob, take a moment to reassess your relationship, the focus of the campaign and the message it is sending out over the airwaves.
Okay everybody, you ready for this? Sarah says it’s time for another revolution!
My timid response to that is: what the fuck you talking about, you stupid bitch?
Does this woman know anything about anything? She talks about revolution just weeks after being asked who her favorite founding father is. Her response? “All of them.”
Look, if you honestly believe this woman (who dumped her own state) is even remotely qualified or competent enough to be anything more than a national hood ornament, you should consider a career in ‘rendition.’ She is a sugar pill, a political placebo that makes us feel warm for no recognizable reason.
I have little doubt she knows nothing about the French Revolution or the first US revolution and if she started a second, it would be our last. Can she win? Ofcourse, this country elected a talking monkey – TWICE! Anything is possible in our “we want it now but we don’t want it to cost anything” era.
Truth is, unless we derive some patience, give them a bit of leeway, then no leader will ever be good enough and we’ll end up throwing the dice on someone who does nothing but speak in populist tones while having a great ass. Yes, a great ass, like a baby pumpkin in a hanky – but Marie Antoinette had a great ass too.
Quite a statement of our times that someone as wholly unqualified, inexperienced and incompetent as Palin can stand up, be heard and speak about something treasonous like ‘revolution.’ Only today would anybody give this psycho a minute of their time or money without simply acknowledging her hotness. Has anyone told her she can make LOTS more money as a sex-symbol? Please someone text her!
She very much reminds me of the old ’snakeoil salesman’, who would tell you their potion or oil could cure any and all ills – no matter the ingredients or formula… or the illness.
Point was, whatever you had – it cured, the placebo of its time. Yet the difference, the difference is that those early charlatans were trying to get into people’s wallets…whereas the hot GILF with the baby pumpkin cheeks is trying to get into the “people’s house.”
Viva la revolucion, indeed.
Really, with it going up from five to ten Best Picture Nominees, I have to wonder, did I get a nomination? What is this – the frickin’ Grammy’s?
One of the great things about that dude, Oscar, is that he is so difficult to win that people in fact say they are “just happy to be nominated.”
Well no more.
In most normal years they strain to locate five really great pictures. So why jump to 10? Why not all the way to 11? Seems like a money ploy to me and it stinks. I would suggest boycotting the Oscars this year.
Oh, but there is precedent they scream! Up to 1943, there were 10 nominees! Yes, but they learned to change it and kept it at five since. It’s called ‘tradition’ and this one is not worth going back on.
Few thoughts on the nominees:
- Enough with “UP”
While the first fifteen minutes made me cry, the rest of the movie was good but not so great as to the best ever, or a nominee. I think critics are just so over-wowed by anything Pixar touches that they lose sight that almost all of them follow the same storyline narrative – and some better than others. Pixar-love has gotten out of control, manifested in love for Wall-E, a flick with a great first half but cartoonish and disjointed second.
- Cruz Go Home
Can’t stand to listen to her talk much less sing in English. LOVE everything she does in Spanish but she needs to be happy being famous in one language…her own.
- Inglorious Indeed
As a historian, I can’t help but be appalled at this movie. We are all better off for NOT having stooped to the Nazi level. If we had, we would be haunted, as they are, by the moral anvil that sits on their historical heads.
- District 9
In no way, shape or form does this movie belong in the BP category. Shows how far they had to srain to get ten by including this movie and The Blind Side plus Up in the nominations. Can’t they see they failed the first time out?
- Avatar?
Truly, isn’t Avatar just an animated picture? It is up for best cinematography even though it was shot in a warehouse. I think this is what people miss about this movie – as breathtaking as it is, it is also the next step in the evolution of ANIMATION – not of filmmaking and should treated as such. Truth is, this film should be placed within the ‘Best Animation’ section and voted on as such.
I tremble to think it might take home the same Oscar taken to cinematic heavens in The Last Emperor.
This kills me everytime. From the Family Guy….
The above is not a reference to ‘Jesus Christ’ although Cameron himself might differ. It is a reference, of course, to James Cameron.
Cameron is no doubt a wizard with the technological details of his epics but his main flaw, perhaps most glaring, is the storylines and dialogue that accompany his most recent efforts.
I mean, even though the trailer shows us nothing, I can tell you the storyline for Avatar. He becomes one of them, likes it, falls for one and it all ends in a climatic and awesome showdown of Cameron purportions. I have no doubt this last sequence goes on for far too long as well.
And it goes back to Titanic, which if you strip it clean and look at the teeny-weeny storyline, is downright cheese-fest. I still can’t believe they ‘hocked a loogey’ over the side of the ship. I am embarassed by that scene for JC….the other one.
In the end, this is like a lovers’ lament – yes Jim, you can have every detail but PLEASE give up the script to someone with a sharper tongue, someone who can add some ingenuity to the tale so I can’t figure it all out in five seconds.
Yes, I want the visual spectacle but it seems we get it it at a price via the story, the words, the unsubtle context of people, places and things – as wonderous and eye-popping as they may be. Yep, I get the whole Native American subtext from the mini-trailer, too.
Sometimes a writer just needs to step away when all his punches become telegraphed, a la M. Night. So come on JC, make that switch for us – for I have little doubt even the other JC is thinking the same thing.
I loved Juno as much as the next moviegoer but think Entertainment Weekly way jumped the gun by hiring screenwriter Cody Diablo to pen a column alongside Stephen King. Wtf? She just doesn’t have the resume and the fact she used to strip has worn off. She might enjoy actually doing it but truth is she can’t hold the King’s jockstrap.
On top of that, her articles read like blog posts, not journalism. EW should have given her a blog on the site, let her work her way up to ‘Queen’ status. Besides, Jennifer’s Body was just plain awful.
I love her, wish her the best, Minnesota-style ;o)
Sound clip of the week. Sargeant Tayback tells us why Sean Penn went home empty handed in 2001:
- The older she gets, the more Madonna looks like a dude.
- Prince is the greatest entertainer of my lifetime. Beyonce is second. MJ is third.
- Sarah Jessica Parker has big ass man-hands. She’s another one that looks dude-ish.
- Can we designate 2010 as the year of the real celebrity? No more Paris or Speidi or Audrina. Give us people with talent and accomplishment.
- If I see Ryan and Trista one more time, I’ll off myself in some gruesome way.
- Sick of celebrity commercials for their ’causes.’ I appreciate they give of their time and stature but rarely do their efforts produce more cash than if they just ponied up themselves with their $20m paychecks. Starting to feel like a PR stunt.
- And speaking of, what percentage of Hollywood ‘romances’ do you think are real?
- Is it me or do the ‘aliens’ in the Avatar trailers look fake? Like The Hulk. James Cameron certainly does love himself, that’s for sure.
- Ryan Reynolds does not strike me as a ‘leading man.’ He’s unlikeable.
- Is Nic Cage the poster child for the excesses of the decade or what?
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Open Letter to George Will
Mr. Will
I am a great admirer of your work but your piece on Arizona was predictable, I knew your stance even before reading it - you may be the single WHITEST guy in America.
I suspected you would endorse something as un-American as “guilty until proven innocent,” even just to roll your intellectual dice but probably, again, because you actually radiant whiteness, like over-bleached chompers.
Yet, this is inherent ideology for someone such as yourself, no offense, who is white and does not understand the already tedious daily struggle to prove we are “legal’ and not criminals or drug dealers.
I assume you are not followed every time you go to Target, or get funny, frightened looks by simply walking around? Or pulled over for any little issue?
It is a common feeling amongst white people that, for some reason, believe they are entitled to this land above anyone else, even though, they are all descendants of immigrants. As Colbert said, “My great granddaddy didn’t come 4,000 miles to let this place get overrun by immigrants.”
But really, it’s a stupid fiscal move. I am Puerto Rican. The law insures me all the other 6 million Ricans won’t be visiting anytime soon. Not to mention anyone who even remotely looks Latino or who has brownish tones, brown eyes, black hair or likes tanning salons.
Yes, I am guilty as charged, Mr. Will. I am brown and breathing, I must have done something wrong. Or else why would God grant me this color?
And finally, found this to be borderline ridiculous:
How, exactly, are you any different?
This is not about borders or immigrants sir, it is about the mentality that permeates and makes difficult our daily existence and presence in this country. This law complicates our already complicated relationship with white America.
Yes, I may be at a distance but this effects ALL Hispanics. Sorry, but only a Hispanic can understand the distinction, not the whitest human being in this country, huh, George…Will?