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rumblings from a mind gone sour

Category: Commentary

Open Letter to George Will

Mr. Will

I am a great admirer of your work but your piece on Arizona was predictable, I knew your stance even before reading it - you may be the single WHITEST guy in America.

I suspected you would endorse something as un-American as “guilty until proven innocent,” even just to roll your intellectual dice but probably, again, because you actually radiant whiteness, like over-bleached chompers.

Yet, this is inherent ideology for someone such as yourself, no offense, who is white and does not understand the already tedious daily struggle to prove we are “legal’ and not criminals or drug dealers.

I assume you are not followed every time you go to Target, or get funny, frightened looks by simply walking around? Or pulled over for any little issue?

It is a common feeling amongst white people that, for some reason, believe they are entitled to this land above anyone else, even though, they are all descendants of immigrants. As Colbert said, “My great granddaddy didn’t come 4,000 miles to let this place get overrun by immigrants.”

But really, it’s a stupid fiscal move. I am Puerto Rican. The law insures me all the other 6 million Ricans won’t be visiting anytime soon. Not to mention anyone who even remotely looks Latino or who has brownish tones, brown eyes, black hair or likes tanning salons.

Yes, I am guilty as charged, Mr. Will. I am brown and breathing, I must have done something wrong. Or else why would God grant me this color?

And finally, found this to be borderline ridiculous:

“Arizonans should not be judged disdainfully and from a distance by people whose closest contacts with Hispanics are with fine men and women who trim their lawns” 

How, exactly, are you any different?

This is not about borders or immigrants sir, it is about the mentality that permeates and makes difficult our daily existence and presence in this country. This law complicates our already complicated relationship with white America.

Yes, I may be at a distance but this effects ALL Hispanics. Sorry, but only a Hispanic can understand the distinction, not the whitest human being in this country, huh, George…Will?

by admin on April 27, 2010
filed in Commentary, Media
tagged , ,

I am a Fugitive From the Law…

In Arizona, that is.

I am guilty of looking and being Hispanic -although I am a natural born citizen.

But can you believe it? By simply entering the state, I am subject to search and seizure, even arrest if I forgot my wallet in my other pants.

Anyone who thinks this won’t keep myself and anyone even remotely Latino-looking out of the state is, well, white and from Arizona. And hey, blacks can be Latino so I would advise against them visiting the state as well.

Truth is, after denying Martin Luther King Jr. Day, we looked twice at the state, wondering its intentions and motivations. Now, we simply won’t look again at Camelback or the golfing in Scottsdale or John McCain (what did he get for his soul, I have to wonder).

We won’t look, no, and we won’t visit for that matter. ALL of us. And that’s not a small few.

by admin on April 26, 2010
filed in Commentary, History
tagged , , , ,

Boycott Arizona

You have to hand it to the GOP, after all the bitching and complaining about Obama being a socialist, they finally went and actually did something  not ’socialist’ but truly fascist - bringing back the old days of guns and illegals and brothels! Yeeeeehaaaw!!!

Spittoon?

My friends and I have a long standing joke where we imitate the Nazis in movies when they ask, “paaapers, papers pleeez.”

Now who would have thunk that joke would come to life to our own country, in this day and age. And so it became when Arizona signed it into law this week, basically allowing cops to pull anyone over for no reason and check their “papers.”

You can’t make it up.

Even worse is that the shape-shifting McCain actually supported this buffoonery and now is being laughed at alongside all the other idiots in that state.

Think I want to visit now that I might just get pulled over for no reason? No thanks, good luck with the tourism at a time when you  need the dollars most. And don’t you think all those aliens spend too? They do, about $26b per year.

Please don’t forget all the massive additional law enforcement costs incurred and get your courts ready for all the lawsuits you’ll have to field.

It’s a perfect storm of conservative idiocy, fiscal lunacy and fascist tenets.

This absurd development comes on the heels of an even more ridiculous law they passed earlier that requires all candidates to provide birth certificate before getting on the 2012 ballot.

Put it altogether and one word comes to mind: racism.

There continues to be a faction of the GOP that, at its core, is just a bunch of sore losers, upended even further because they lost to a black man. The Tea Party? Please, if they knew anything they’d be protesting this new law, which goes against all the civil rights these clowns claim to protect. And where are the libertarians?

Point is, will they notice? For so long now they have screamed ’socialism’ at the opposition. What will they do now that real, undeniable fascism has sprung in their own party, own backyard?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Fact is, the silence you hear is the best the modern conservative intellect can muster. Void of dignity, integrity, civic duty – spoiled to the core by a primal need to obstruct for the sake of obstruction and  to win by wrecking the country in its entirety. All the world is a hammer.

Yet, even the worst of historical opponents retained a sense of honor while these conservatives have shed it like a molting snake. Truly one must ask, ‘have you no honor, sir? No decency?’

Wither the American landscape, now reduced to its former self by the Old West sensibility reborn this week along dusty towns on the frontier, enforced by the reinstation of Sheriff Pat Garrett and his posse. Spittoon, anyone?

Now that’s progress.

3 Comments by admin on April 24, 2010
filed in Commentary, Politics
tagged , , ,

Tossing Off Tuesday

- “I do plagues, I do earthquakes, I do all the training for Walgreens cashiers.” – The Devil, SNL

- Target Field is the new gold standard in MLB.

- Love the movie Moon. The visuals, the amazing score, Sam Rockwell.

- Does the GOP really think going against financial reform is a good idea? After what we just went through? Won’t play well on Mainstreet.

- The current nuclear summit is likely the most important gathering of our lives. I’ve always had a deep fear about all the loose nukes, happy to see them doing something about them.

- Despite getting off, anybody think Roethlisberger isn’t a total d-bag?

- Bless Hef for turning down Kate Gosselin for Playboy. Well done, sir. You can bet those kids will grow up to rebel a la the cast of Different Strokes.

- iPad looks like the ‘grandma’ version of my iPhone. I used to buy my grandma big books with really big type – that is what the iPad reminds me of. Still, I do like buying things that make me feel either huge or tiny – my favorite being a laserdisc! Trips people out!

- Seriously, is there anybody the Catholics haven’t fondled?

- There is nothing convenient about writing a check in a convenience store. Besides, writing a check these days is shady, just says…I can’t cover this, at this exact moment.

- Bud Selig can lick my left gonad. He may act like he doesn’t remember but we do, he tried to contract the Twins. They should have put him in the cheap seats or better, not invited him at all.

- Interview of the Week
Russian President Dimitry Medvedev on Obama….and other…

MEDVEDEV: He’s very comfortable partner, it’s very interesting to be with him. The most important thing that distinguishes him from many other people — I won’t name anyone by name — he’s a thinker, he thinks when he speaks. Which is already pretty good.

STEPHANOPOULOS: You had somebody in your mind, I think. (LAUGHS)

MEDVEDEV: Obviously I do have someone on my mind. I don’t want to offend anyone.

by admin on April 13, 2010
filed in Commentary, Entertainment, Minnesota, Politics

If Reform Doesn’t Work, We’re Not Doing It Right…

“One of the greatest worries is about the cost of health care. This is a realistic concern since 100 million people fall into poverty each year paying for health care. Millions more are unable to access any health care.” ~ WHO, 2008 Summary World Health Report

Oh the taxes, oh the costs, oh the insurance companies and their price gouging! How on earth can we reform our awesome health care system? Too expensive, they yell!

Too expensive? Indeed but not like a $30 Aspirin. Fact is, the current costs are far too disproportionate and expansive, suffocating us like that freaky hand-type creature in one of the Alien movies. The one with Sigourney Weaver.

You see, the problem with the overall argument against reform is the public is already getting gouged, already paying far too much – both tangible and intangible, with and without correlative data.

Look at the Dutch. Every citizen pays less than a $150 a month out of their taxes and gets medical care far superior than ours (even their ’satisfaction’ levels are higher than ours). But how is that possible, (insert political figure here) the idiot asks?

Not ‘possible’, ‘reality’ in part because of the focus on primary care versus specialization. Or because their system is designed to deliver care at affordable rates while ours thrives on maximum profitability and incentive…big difference.

In the Netherlands health care is universal, here it is fleeting, save only for healthy people. And yes, they have private insurers yet still manage to spend less than 9% GDP on health care versus over 16% in the U.S. Or broken down, that translates to $3100USD per capita for them and $6700USd per capita for us…or U.S. 

So, for every attack and shout-out, a stark realization must be delivered: we can and must do better, the costs are too grand. Others get twice the care at half the cost and without all the headaches. That is unacceptable, we are in crisis, we are at war, we face a financial iceberg unless we do something.

Consider that nearly 60% of all U.S. bankruptcies are caused by medical bills yet even more dire is that nearly 80% of those people HAD health insurance - a situation indefensible by any and all American standards. Alternately, the league of ruin due to health care costs in the Netherlands numbers zero.

Yet, Democrats seem to lack the guts to use all the misguided ’anger’ or the facts to their advantage – turn it around, see it as an opportunity to highlight the current malaise, explain future benefits and reveal character. Get passionate about it, not Harry Reid passionate, but really, truly passionate. Don’t be afraid to get in their red faces. It’s a “big f”ckin deal” alright, so don’t get soft and retire when you should harden like Tiger’s wood in the Red Light District (Dutch reference!).

Plainly stated, our system leads the populace to poverty and ruin and lower classes where they consume federal and state resources and finances – far beyond if we simply covered them in the first place, protected their right to be treated. 

Instead we get more crime, more prisons, broken families, foreclosures, bankruptcy, alcoholism, on and on. Seriously, on and on and on – touching all corners, all pocketbooks. How else is it that our health care costs double the Dutch yet still leaves so many without coverage?

Seems the best defense here would be truth, so shout it loud and proud, raise the roof on this damn democracy and expose the forces that put us in the current predicament. Don’t deny the needed sacrifice or the vast differences on the globe. Americans should ask why other countries do it better and cheaper. Are we not better than they are? Are we not better than, hold your nose, the French, who rank first in the world?

Merde!

Simplicity, in all its complex forms, is the key to the sale, the message profoundly clear: progress is painful but sacrifice is necessary because the status quo is simply unacceptable by any reasonable, global standard. Truth is you must be content to pay $30 a pill to defend anti-reform – which is, in itself, a defense of the current cluster. Means you should be ready and happy to pay $40 next year.

America can do better. No? For what is ‘reform’ if not a call to arms, a defacto war against excess, greed and glaring dysfunction.

by admin on April 10, 2010
filed in Commentary, Politics
tagged , , ,

Open Letter to the Health Insurance Industry: You Can’t Win

Call it the soup dujour for opponents of health care reform to hit the roof with screams that the law will cause insurance companies to ‘jack’ their premiums – a venerable ‘tax’ on the American people, punishment for daring to level the playing field and hold them accountable for the care they refuse to give unhealthy people. 

For Democrats, citizens and the new law, it is akin to a playground dare. Go ahead, lick the flagpole, we dare you.

And it is a nice idea on paper but in principle, strategically, it won’t work.

For one thing, by raising premiums, the industry instantly exposes itself as the true villian in this ordeal. So far they have been insulated by the various groups representing their interests like the GOP and the Tea Party. But once the higher rates hit the people, all the people, the industry will likely find itself alone, looking around for some clothes: a t-shirt, some jeans, anything.

And rest assured it will happen partly because of the presence of an enigmatic and powerful figure just dying for you to give him the chance. As he said, “go for it.”

Another reason is that competition, as expected in a free market, will emerge to undercut you. Or worse, the emergence of co-operatives such as United Health or the government exchange will allow consumers to bypass you altogether. It’s the same as when gas prices go up and people rush to higher-efficiency models instaead of just paying more for their fuel. Capitalism has a survival instinct to it, thus the usual boom of progressive ideas during down times.

Besides, as history shows, if you turn around and hit the people straight on – you lose. You’ll lose because nobody likes or trusts you to begin with and will give you little leeway. Sure, you can bump up premiums to compensate but to willfully and publicly announce that you will be robbing us blind is bad PR, really, almost laughable. We can see clearly now the rain has gone…

In the early 1830’s, the President of the Second National Bank learned the same lesson by taking his anger at Andrew Jackson out on the states, denying them the loans they needed. Jackson took to the side of the people, used their anger, shut the bank down through populism and nationalism. Patriotism will always trump corporate greed in the fight for the soul of the USA. Just ask the teabaggers and the jackasses.

You have a choice here, you can adjust and adapt and yes, profit from the new law. Or you can start a very public and painful battle with one of the most popular figures in contemporary global history – who is likely licking his chops to expose you (as would I). It’s Ali versus Tanya Harding. Do you really want the American people, the US government and the media putting your affairs under a microscope? Can you really explain away a $30 Aspirin?

So go ahead, jack up my premiums because I know, in the end, you will crystallize any and all anger about reform onto thyself – you are a business entity flaunting US law, you can’t possibly expect our nationalism or even our courts to allow this. In essence, you’ll unite what was seemingly untenable and broken.

As a successful businessman and consultant, I (and Sun Tsu) would advise taking the easier route. Avoid prolong conflict that will be a drain on your resources and finances and instead focus on finding new ways to profit from the situation, adapt to it, even grow.

The US health care system is ranked thirty-seventh in the world by the WHO all while being number one in health care spending as a percentage of our GDP. Want to hear the President pound that into the American cranium? I do.

So go ahead, lick the flagpole. I double-dog dare you.

by admin on April 4, 2010
filed in Commentary, Money
tagged , ,

McVeigh and Bin Laden are Two Peas in a Pod

I’ve seen and met them, they think the US government should be overthrown or that their state should secede from the Union. They are armed, they are dangerous and for ALL intent purposes, we should send them over to Afghanistan to fight for our country because here, at home, they are nothing more than ’shadow patriots.’

You can hear the right cozying up to them as re-tards like Sean Hannity call them, actually compliment them, as ‘Timothy McVeigh wannabes” and they cheer the analogy.

Let me tell you something about Tim McVeigh. An American he is NOT. He is no different than Bin Laden – hated for the same crime, willful killing of innocent civilians, of Americans. No different than the Taliban or the Christmas Eve clown with explosives on his junk.

And much as they hate the government, they fail to realize that the “govt” is mostly filled with people just like them: working for a living. So to blow up a building full of them is to destroy families and parents and children…innocent by any human standard.

If the right had any marbles, they would understand the role of the Union, the sacrifice of millions, the results of 200+ years of democracy.

And there it is. Democracy. Unless I am missing something, the modus operandi of this country is activism and voting. If you’re not happy, put down your gun and go run for office. THAT is how we do it here, that is the system the founding fathers set up.

If you want to do it differently, go form your own country or again, go take it out on the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

But instead, like Bush going into Iraq, they want to overthrow without a CLUE about what comes next. Can you imagine the mess?

I can and so did such luminaries as Lincoln and Jackson, who understood the whole is stronger than its individual parts. Jackson affronted South Carolina because he believed, above all else, that the Union must remain intact.

So if you think Timothy McVeigh was some of kind of patriot, then Bin Laden must be one too – they exist on an equal plain in American history.

They are terrorists. And either you’re an American (and use the system as it was created) or you are a terrorist and need to be espoused.

Because if you are American you know people died to give you that right and you spit on it by attacking the very system they bled for.

Shame on you and anyone who attempts to use the flag of an idiot and a truck and dead Americans as a rallying cry.

Don’t you see? The rallying cry here is to reverse the polarity, use it to fire up the jackass base and rebuild the Jacksonian battle anthem.

Nationalism works, just look at how fired I am.

by admin on April 2, 2010
filed in Commentary, History
tagged , ,

Add More States to the Union

In many ways it seems as logical as manifest destiny would dictate but one must also consider the benefits and ease with which the United States could add two more stars to its flag while sealing its eastern front.

The two candidates for statehood I suggest are Puerto Rico and Iceland. Here’s why…

Puerto Rico
Already a US territory that speaks English and uses our currency. PR would need very little funding to turn into a Caribbean Hawaii for the east coast. It has beaches and nightlife, rainforest, caves, the Atlantic and Caribbean, surfing, etc. It is also strategically important as the eastern most island in the Caribbean. If Central America continues to evolve, PR could be an excellent financial and cultural gateway.

Beyond military and trade advantage, residents of PR currently do not pay federal income tax – adding them would increase our ‘payroll’ by an additional 3 million.

Finally, as noted earlier, the cost to turn Puerto Rico around would be minimal. Simply injecting it with money from the stimulus package could be enough to advance its infrastructure, employ the populace and bring it up to US standards. Almost a no-brainer here.

Iceland
Let’s face it, Iceland needs someone’s help and becoming a state and tying it to our currency would save it in an instant.

And Iceland, like PR, sits in a stragetic location, a launching point in the North Atlantic, a complimentary piece of land to Alaska on the west.

And like Alaska, Iceland offers the US natural resources beneficial to our national security and future considerations like water and perhaps even oil.

Ultimately, ask yourself if we benefit from states such as Alaska and Hawaii and if perhaps the addition of counterpoints on the east coast might not be a wise expansion of the empire.

by admin on March 28, 2010
filed in Commentary, History

Only a Few Things to Understand About Health Care Reform

1. We’re #40!
Opponents of reform are essentially arguing FOR the current system, which according to the WHO will likely rank this year as number 40 in the world. Forty is indefensible, we lag behind such luminaries as Morroco and Colombia.

2. 40,000
Burn it into your brain. Forty thousand AMERICANS die each year for lack of coverage. The average in the rest of the developed world? ZERO. We spent over a trillion going after some people who killed 3,000 Americans (and still haven’t caught them) but we won’t spend LESS to save 40,000 EACH year because they all didn’t die at once…on TV? Means over 280,000 people have died since the start of the Iraq War. Let your conscience live with that.

3. Can’t dump you
You happily hand over $15-$25k a year to an insurance company for what? Exactly? If you or your children happen to get a particular injury or disease, chances are they would abandon you like a sponsor from Tiger. So basically, you are paying for NOT getting health care. Good deal you say?

For some reason, those making over $200,000 are upset because they will have to pay a bit more. You’re already paying it and getting nothing in return. Get it through your thick skull: insurance companies currently only cover HEALTHY people. It’s the scam of all time.

If you are rich,  tell me it is not worth an extra $2500/year for the guarantee that a medical disaster will not ruin you or cost you coverage or lead to unnecessary pain for your and your kids and THEIR kids and their kids?

If you really can’t tell me it’s worth it - then the truth is you have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. So shut the fuck up and let progress do its thing.

by admin on March 27, 2010
filed in Commentary, Politics

Slacker Friday

- Twins still look like a division winner, yes, but a one and done still.

- My source says Favre changed his mind and will announce dependent on what the Vikes do in the draft and free agency. From his end though, he’s good to go and the mere fact he hasn’t actually retired is a first and a sign he’ll be back.

- Who is the coach of the T-Wolves? Not that I care.

- Children of Men on USA Network? Good for them for haing the cajones to show a great but dark and heavy film.

- I could only watch the winter olympics (besides hockey) for like five minutes at a time. Do I really need instant replay for cross-country skiing? Commentary? “He’s going three miles an hour now.”

- Gm is firing back up 500 dealerships. Stay tuned, that’s your company ;o) Buy back is closer.

- People and cell phones and driving don’t mix. Most people are driving monkeys already without the phone. I’m all for heavy penalties for talking and txting and driving. Pretty much every accident I get into on a daily basis is with some monkey on their phone.

- I’m happy Canada won the gold hockey game. Love their national anthem.

- Final Note:

I have come full 180 degrees on holding the trial of Sheik Muhammed in NYC. At first I didn’t think it was a good idea but can now see why we MUST hold it there.

If we are to show the world, the terrorists, that we have won and been resilient and are not afraid – then we hold it in NY, where the crime occurred as normal. We must be defiant. Bad enough the space at ground zero is still vacant.

In fact, hold it right in the middle of ground zero, show all the SOBs that we are not afraid, unaffected. We cower to no one and the rule of law stands. No?

So while I originally disagreed with Obama’s decision, I have come full-circle and now find myself at odds with him as he considers moving the trials (although mostly because of pressure from NY. I would think they want justice and on their turf.)

Terrorists win when we alter our lives, our values (torture), our level of panic (Iraq) – it shows those back home (recruiters and recruits) that it does work. This trial is another great example.

by admin on March 5, 2010
filed in Commentary, Minnesota

Tweet This

Sure, there are several uses and benefits to be seen in Twitter as an information and communication source but let’s face it, most of the popular people on there have no more than 140 characters of insight to give. And their followers? They don’t have the attention span for anything longer than a txt msg (note the abbr.).

Think about it, you’d have to pound most of the author’s heads with a hammer to produce 140 characters that have any meaning or real insight beyond, “I just had great sex” or musings on coffee or Taylor Swift’s latest gay love interest.

Now, what kind of celeb would benefit most on the limits Tweeter provides them? Sports stars, reality TV clowns and musicians (for which it can take years to create a paragraph).

Twitter is perfect for them because it asks so little of them…and their fans.

Truth is, nothing really meaningful or inspiration can be written in under 140 characters. Only snippets of information, 95% of it totally useless….like the ticker…at the bottom…of your TV.

An so it is, Twitter fits the ‘ticker/text generation’ perfectly: promising everything, asking for nothing and doing it in under 140 characters.

by admin on March 2, 2010
filed in Commentary, Entertainment

9/11 x 1,000

It is very five minutes ago to post video on your blog. I prefer great audio and sound bytes as I believe we need to use our eyes less, our ears more. Enjoy!

by admin on February 28, 2010
filed in Commentary, Entertainment

Do You Believe in Jinxes?

A ‘jinx’ (otherwise known as ‘tempting fate’) is that moment when you attempt to claim that you know more than the universe, that you are more powerful. Problem is, you are goading an entity far greater and more mysterious than yourself to prove you wrong. And it can.

The single best example I (and history) can give you is the story of a cruise ship somebody had the cosmic balls to call “unsinkable” – and it sank on its first frickin’ trip!

So next time you feel like saying “we’re home free” or “this will never fall” or “I didn’t have a condom but I thought, when’s the next time I’m in Haiti,” think about that grand ship and all the people who perished because some clown tempted the heavens. And then think again before you speak.

Look at it this way, nothing that has gone in the water since 1912 has been dubbed “unsinkable.”

So my advice? Always heed the words, “don’t jinx it!”

Next article will cover the art of the ‘reverse-jinx.’

by admin on February 28, 2010
filed in Commentary, Personal

Notes on the Week

- Apparently, the headcase’s breaking of the Favre story was discussed on sports talk radio this past week. Remember though, heard it here first.

- Really hope David Duchovny was paid a bundle to say “pooper” in those awful little dog commercials.

- If the Twins don’t sign Mauer, they are dead to me.

- Top things overhead at the health care summit
1. What’s Pelosi keep smiling about?
2. Somebody wind McConnell back up
3. When will Sarah be here?
4. Is Harry Reid a muppet?
5. Who’s the black guy?
6. You hear Gingrich got thrown off a flight?
7. I got us three hookers for CPAC
8. What’s this whole ’summit’ thing about?
9. You look better on CNN than MSNBC
10. I miss Teddy.

- I really enjoyed the movie City of Ember.

- I want another Hawaii on our other coast so I am beginning a campaign for the best candidate, Puerto Rico.

- What happened to My Chemical Romance?

- Is it spring yet?

- If Rihanna were a drink she’d be a hot chocolate with Baileys and marshmallows.

- Gatorade dumps Tiger Woods after long holdout. Yes, apparently even they don’t have the…stamina to keep up with him.

- Commercials with talking babies or animals suck ass.

- Can we just agree to all stop talking about Speidi Prontag all at once?

by admin on February 28, 2010
filed in Commentary, Entertainment

God Bless Chileans

Today comes sad news…Snooki, ‘Jersey Shore’ punching bag, is actually not Italian, she is Chilean. My first plea would be to assure you she does not represent the marvelous girls of that nation. No.

I rarely miss a flight but when I do, is it usually leaving Las Vegas – as tortuous as the hilarious movie of the same name depicts.

Yet I’m glad I missed this particular flight that came, as usual, after a night of overdoing it in some club on the Strip until some ungodly hour. I do remember that the one guy with me, ended up passing out in the parking lot…damn you, Patrone Silver.

For after a mad, nauseous dash to the airport the next morning, I was told I was too late by some snarky airline lady and that I had missed my flight. The next flight was in “six hours,” she delighted.

Fortunately, there was another flight leaving in a couple hours on another airline. “Last seat on the plane,” I was told by another snarkster.

When it did finally board, I was literally the last one to get my body on the plane – too nauseous and dizzy to be first into the tube.

I looked down to my right, towards the back…every single seat was filled. I look up to my left and there it was, my seat, the only one unfilled anywhere. First row behind First Class and the one next to the smelly, rarely-scrubbed lavatory/pod.

I plopped down in my aisle seat and muttered, “Nice, they put me next to the shitter” while plugging my nose and regretting the BK burger and O’rings I just scarfed in the terminal.

I was close to launching it but heard two giggles.

The laughs were courtesy of two of the most beautiful twins, Chilean twins, one could lay eyes on. They had hair and tans and legs and tits and personality to add. They were party girls, latin as they come. They were a dream in polyester seating, the human version of a strawberry daiquiri.

Turned out to be the greatest flight of my life as we ordered booze and joked and chatted and laughed our asses off – they were a travelling fiesta in their own right and I took full advantage for what seemed like the shortest trip in time…ever. Stinky bathroom? Where?

When the plane landed and we got off, the two girls walked all the way through the terminal and to baggage claim with me, one on each arm as they ‘bounced’ and laughed and turned EVERY head in the G wing. I felt like a latin Hugh Hefner. No, I was the latin Hugh to everyone who literally stopped to watch us (them) walk by.

So don’t let the news of Snooki’s heritage get you down on the nation, they just had a terrible earthquake and could use our support. Besides, Chileans are better in pairs.

All kidding aside, please support the Chileans, they are wonderful people:
Text the word “CHILE” to 52000 to donate $10 on behalf of the Salvation Army
Text the word “CHILE” to 90999 to donate $10 on behalf of the American Red Cross.

by admin on February 28, 2010
filed in Commentary, Media

Curling, Curling and More Yep, Curling!

Want Curling? Turn on your squakbox and you’ll find more curling than a pasta factory!

Need a fix of curling? Hit the ‘power’ button on your TV and you’ll get hit with more curls than a 70’s porn star. Pump it up!!

Wanna see people sweeping ice? Look no further than your boob tube, you’ll find more curls than a Soul Glow convention. Eric LaSalle, raise the roof! Talkin’ about Soul Glow, baby!

See? It just doesn’t work for me.

Curling has become the de facto sport of the Winter Games and despite the fact I am supposed to love it, I think it’s about as fun as a guided bus tour of Kansas City.

How do I cheer? “Sweep it, sweep damnit!”

How do I analyze? “The sweeping today was just off.”

Who do I blame? “The ice spitter totally screwed us.”

And yet every time I turn on my TV, it’s frickin’ curling again. How many medals are there? I’ve seen women and men, goats and canucks curling and curling again. Do the games actually ever end? Not sure. And is ’slow-motion’ replay really necessary? Seems to happen in slow motion already.

I’d prefer if we just called it what it is: shuffleboard on ice – and then made appropiate changes.

Seems to me the most interesting development would be to limit players to the geriatric set, say 70 and older. Would be far more entertaining to see the old folks out there, sliding around and breaking hips.

In fact, add some hockey to it and include ‘contact’. If somebody is sweeping for your stones, you should have the right to deck them out of the way. At least then I’d have something to cheer for and bitch about – “that was a late hit!”

This is an open letter to the committee, in hopes it will reach higher ears and eyes and not fall to deafness like my other suggestions such as ‘relay slalom’ and  the winter triatholon: skiing, swimming, whale spearing. And what about my request to make clothing ‘optional’ on some events? That one applies to the Summer games as well.

For the Olympics to take a hold of me, and not my deceased grandmother, it needs to spice it up – bring in Michael Bay for crying out loud. I want curlling to explode on my screen to the point that I crave curling, curling and more curling because right now, I crave it about as much as a Jerry-curl perm. Sorry.

by admin on February 25, 2010
filed in Commentary, Entertainment, Sports

Are we that dumb?

It’s a scary thought but a new poll may indicate how self-absorbed and uninformed the American pubic is. And no, I did not misspell that, it should read “pubic.”

The poll tells us that most American are against health care reform…until it is explained to them, then they agree. WTF? Wtf to the Democrats?

Yeah, you read that one right too – they are against it until they learn what it actually is.

This, my friends, is the same type of dumbass-ness that got us stuck in Iraq. All they had to say was “WMD” and the pubic bought it hook, line and sinker.

Because the sad truth is, we have become a nation of mere proctors – we live by the ticker and will likely die via the same lineage and timeline, in 24hr chunks.

We don’t want the truth, we really can’t handle it – because in essence the truth is too simple for our cable news minds to comprehend.

We are nothing if not educated and will never get out of these massive holes until the pubic really begins to pay attention. If not, then we will run through candidates and elected officials like most people go through their junk mail and the end result of such a lopsided race, well, is “to obvious to require elaboration.”

We are doomed good friends if we continue down this apathetic road. Pay attention, shut the fuck up and make an effort to understand what is at stake and what it might take to fix it.

by admin on February 21, 2010
filed in Commentary, Politics

Monday Morning QB

- Amy Klobuchar has quickly gained a rep in DC as having a wickedly funny sense of humor. She showed it off to the Natl Press Club, LOVE the Edwards’ bit. Enjoy…
http://www.startribune.com/politics/national/senate/83198927.html

- I couldn’t be more excited about the new fast-rail proposal. Means getting to Chicago is about two hours. Means lots of jobs.

- The domain industry is a good economic bellweather because we see all the ad dollars through our dealings with Yahoo, MSN and Google. Consensus among industry heads I met last week is that the trend lines are definitely on the upswing. I have heard similar from other industries. Anyone else?

- I LOVED the movie ‘Moon’ with Sam Rockwell. Just the music and the ‘exterior’ moon shots are worth the price of admission. Rockwell rocks as does Kevin Spacey as Gerty. Put it on your biggest screen and turn the volume UP!

- Just consider the intellectual huevos it takes to go into a room filled with 170+ of the opponents best – on live, national TV to do a Q&A! It has no precedent. I can think of few others who could have pulled it off and even remotely looked good…maybe Clinton but I think this was singular in our history.

Even more amazing is how the President manhandled them – totally unscripted, no notes, no teleprompter. He had a mastery of the details that was overwhelming, referring specifically at one point to ’sub-appropriations used to fund the war’ and then responding to a complaint about “not having read a proposal” by pulling out specific items in the proposal in question.

I caught the whole thing live and encourage all to go back and watch it in its entirety. From the first question he pounces on them with sincerity and wit, intellect and eloquence – finishing all of them with a firm hand and a smile. For Repubs, this is your representation at work, take a gander.

The point may be that sometimes we do choose the best possible candidate our country has to offer. Maybe sometimes the system works. Because in truth, it was 170 to 1 and the one was clearly the brightest bulb in the whole room.

My confidence in him soared after seeing it. Never seen or even read anything like it (from Hamilton to Jackson and beyond), destined to studied for decades to come.

But really my sincere hope is that the American people begin to recognize and punish the obstructionists on ALL sides – instead of electing them because they spout the easiest and most populous message. They slide by, by NOT making decisions!!

He’s given us the opportunity to force our politicians to focus on their civic duty, with the same heart of men who founded it.

Write your representative and Senator, scold them for politics as usual and maybe we CAN change the poisoned environment – looks like someone is finally leading that coup. Don’t hesitate, hit them ALL hard for the better good, we can’t afford to stand still anymore.

3 Comments by admin on February 1, 2010
filed in Commentary, Minnesota, Politics
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