Want Curling? Turn on your squakbox and you’ll find more curling than a pasta factory!
Need a fix of curling? Hit the ‘power’ button on your TV and you’ll get hit with more curls than a 70’s porn star. Pump it up!!
Wanna see people sweeping ice? Look no further than your boob tube, you’ll find more curls than a Soul Glow convention. Eric LaSalle, raise the roof! Talkin’ about Soul Glow, baby!
See? It just doesn’t work for me.
Curling has become the de facto sport of the Winter Games and despite the fact I am supposed to love it, I think it’s about as fun as a guided bus tour of Kansas City.
How do I cheer? “Sweep it, sweep damnit!”
How do I analyze? “The sweeping today was just off.”
Who do I blame? “The ice spitter totally screwed us.”
And yet every time I turn on my TV, it’s frickin’ curling again. How many medals are there? I’ve seen women and men, goats and canucks curling and curling again. Do the games actually ever end? Not sure. And is ’slow-motion’ replay really necessary? Seems to happen in slow motion already.
I’d prefer if we just called it what it is: shuffleboard on ice – and then made appropiate changes.
Seems to me the most interesting development would be to limit players to the geriatric set, say 70 and older. Would be far more entertaining to see the old folks out there, sliding around and breaking hips.
In fact, add some hockey to it and include ‘contact’. If somebody is sweeping for your stones, you should have the right to deck them out of the way. At least then I’d have something to cheer for and bitch about – “that was a late hit!”
This is an open letter to the committee, in hopes it will reach higher ears and eyes and not fall to deafness like my other suggestions such as ‘relay slalom’ and the winter triatholon: skiing, swimming, whale spearing. And what about my request to make clothing ‘optional’ on some events? That one applies to the Summer games as well.
For the Olympics to take a hold of me, and not my deceased grandmother, it needs to spice it up – bring in Michael Bay for crying out loud. I want curlling to explode on my screen to the point that I crave curling, curling and more curling because right now, I crave it about as much as a Jerry-curl perm. Sorry.
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Curling, Curling and More Yep, Curling!
Want Curling? Turn on your squakbox and you’ll find more curling than a pasta factory!
Need a fix of curling? Hit the ‘power’ button on your TV and you’ll get hit with more curls than a 70’s porn star. Pump it up!!
Wanna see people sweeping ice? Look no further than your boob tube, you’ll find more curls than a Soul Glow convention. Eric LaSalle, raise the roof! Talkin’ about Soul Glow, baby!
See? It just doesn’t work for me.
Curling has become the de facto sport of the Winter Games and despite the fact I am supposed to love it, I think it’s about as fun as a guided bus tour of Kansas City.
How do I cheer? “Sweep it, sweep damnit!”
How do I analyze? “The sweeping today was just off.”
Who do I blame? “The ice spitter totally screwed us.”
And yet every time I turn on my TV, it’s frickin’ curling again. How many medals are there? I’ve seen women and men, goats and canucks curling and curling again. Do the games actually ever end? Not sure. And is ’slow-motion’ replay really necessary? Seems to happen in slow motion already.
I’d prefer if we just called it what it is: shuffleboard on ice – and then made appropiate changes.
Seems to me the most interesting development would be to limit players to the geriatric set, say 70 and older. Would be far more entertaining to see the old folks out there, sliding around and breaking hips.
In fact, add some hockey to it and include ‘contact’. If somebody is sweeping for your stones, you should have the right to deck them out of the way. At least then I’d have something to cheer for and bitch about – “that was a late hit!”
This is an open letter to the committee, in hopes it will reach higher ears and eyes and not fall to deafness like my other suggestions such as ‘relay slalom’ and the winter triatholon: skiing, swimming, whale spearing. And what about my request to make clothing ‘optional’ on some events? That one applies to the Summer games as well.
For the Olympics to take a hold of me, and not my deceased grandmother, it needs to spice it up – bring in Michael Bay for crying out loud. I want curlling to explode on my screen to the point that I crave curling, curling and more curling because right now, I crave it about as much as a Jerry-curl perm. Sorry.
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