Today comes sad news…Snooki, ‘Jersey Shore’ punching bag, is actually not Italian, she is Chilean. My first plea would be to assure you she does not represent the marvelous girls of that nation. No.

I rarely miss a flight but when I do, is it usually leaving Las Vegas – as tortuous as the hilarious movie of the same name depicts.

Yet I’m glad I missed this particular flight that came, as usual, after a night of overdoing it in some club on the Strip until some ungodly hour. I do remember that the one guy with me, ended up passing out in the parking lot…damn you, Patrone Silver.

For after a mad, nauseous dash to the airport the next morning, I was told I was too late by some snarky airline lady and that I had missed my flight. The next flight was in “six hours,” she delighted.

Fortunately, there was another flight leaving in a couple hours on another airline. “Last seat on the plane,” I was told by another snarkster.

When it did finally board, I was literally the last one to get my body on the plane – too nauseous and dizzy to be first into the tube.

I looked down to my right, towards the back…every single seat was filled. I look up to my left and there it was, my seat, the only one unfilled anywhere. First row behind First Class and the one next to the smelly, rarely-scrubbed lavatory/pod.

I plopped down in my aisle seat and muttered, “Nice, they put me next to the shitter” while plugging my nose and regretting the BK burger and O’rings I just scarfed in the terminal.

I was close to launching it but heard two giggles.

The laughs were courtesy of two of the most beautiful twins, Chilean twins, one could lay eyes on. They had hair and tans and legs and tits and personality to add. They were party girls, latin as they come. They were a dream in polyester seating, the human version of a strawberry daiquiri.

Turned out to be the greatest flight of my life as we ordered booze and joked and chatted and laughed our asses off – they were a travelling fiesta in their own right and I took full advantage for what seemed like the shortest trip in time…ever. Stinky bathroom? Where?

When the plane landed and we got off, the two girls walked all the way through the terminal and to baggage claim with me, one on each arm as they ‘bounced’ and laughed and turned EVERY head in the G wing. I felt like a latin Hugh Hefner. No, I was the latin Hugh to everyone who literally stopped to watch us (them) walk by.

So don’t let the news of Snooki’s heritage get you down on the nation, they just had a terrible earthquake and could use our support. Besides, Chileans are better in pairs.

All kidding aside, please support the Chileans, they are wonderful people:
Text the word “CHILE” to 52000 to donate $10 on behalf of the Salvation Army
Text the word “CHILE” to 90999 to donate $10 on behalf of the American Red Cross.